滿分GRE寫作范文賞析分享（三）

GRE的寫作是中國(guó)考生最不容易得到滿分的部分，究其原因是因?yàn)榇蠹业乃悸泛湍刚Z(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)者不同。留學(xué)監(jiān)理網(wǎng)的老師就給大家找到了一些文章來(lái)幫助大家進(jìn)行GRE考前的寫作訓(xùn)練。

【題目】

Nature’s Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainesville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature’s Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainesville is such an area. Plainesville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainesville’s schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

【滿分范文賞析】

【第一段】

In this memo the vice president of Nature’s Way (NW), a chain of stores selling health food and health-related products, recommends opening a store in Plainesville. To support this recommendation the vice president cites the following facts about Plainesville: (1) sales of exercise shoes and clothing are at all-time highs; (2) membership at the local health club has peaked; and (3) the city’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness program. Close scrutiny illuminates the fact that the assumptions lend little credible support to the recommendation.

【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】

本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument開頭段結(jié)構(gòu)，即C—A—F的開頭結(jié)構(gòu)。段落首先概括原文的Conclusion，接下來(lái)概括原文為支持其結(jié)論所引用的一系列Assumption，最后給出開頭段到正文段的過(guò)渡句，指出原文的Flaw，即其Assumption不能為其結(jié)論提供可靠的支持。

【本段功能】

本段作為Argument開頭段，具體功能就在于發(fā)起攻擊并概括原文的結(jié)論，即NW應(yīng)在Plainesville開店。本段接下來(lái)分布列舉了原文中NW的副總裁為支持其結(jié)論所引用的事實(shí)：(1)鍛煉鞋和服裝的銷售量空前的高;(2)當(dāng)?shù)亟∩砭銟?lè)部的會(huì)員數(shù)達(dá)到最高點(diǎn);(3)該市的學(xué)童被要求參加一個(gè)健康計(jì)劃。這些信息的歸納為正文段中即將進(jìn)行的具體攻擊作鋪墊。

【第二段】

Let’s first examine the assumptions that strong sales of exercise apparel indicated that Plainesville residents would be interested in NW’s products, or even that these residents are interested in exercising. Consider the possibility that exercise apparel could be in fashion. Perhaps exercise apparel is inexpensive compared to other types of clothing. For that matter, perhaps the stronger-than-usual sales are due to increasing sales to tourists. In short, without a conclusive market analysis, the vice president fails to provide a link between the sales of exercise clothing and the projected sales revenue of a new franchise. Therefore, a conclusion based on this particular assumption, that Plainesville residents would be interested in health food based on the sales of a particular style of clothes, is entirely undependable.

【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】

本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第一個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類型和其在原文中出現(xiàn)的位置，接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和他因來(lái)反駁原文。

【本段功能】

本段作為正文第一段，攻擊原文中出現(xiàn)的第一個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——因果類錯(cuò)誤。原文的因果鏈條如下：

?P鎮(zhèn)運(yùn)動(dòng)服飾銷量高à?P鎮(zhèn)居民對(duì)健身感興趣à?P鎮(zhèn)居民對(duì)NW的健康食品感興趣。

這一因果鏈并不成立。首先，?并不能推出?，造成?的原因也有可能是運(yùn)動(dòng)服的價(jià)錢便宜，或是旅游業(yè)帶動(dòng)等等。其次，即便?成立，也不一定說(shuō)明居民對(duì)NW健康食品感興趣。因此還需要提供具體的市場(chǎng)調(diào)查等證據(jù)來(lái)表明?成立。

【第三段】

Next, let’s examine the assumption that because membership at the Plainesville gym is at an all-time high, a potential demand for health food and health-related products exists. The memo contains no evidence to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is equally possible that aside from exercising,Plainesville residents have little interest in leading a healthy lifestyle. In fact, perhaps as a result of regular exercise, they believe they are sufficiently fit and healthy and do not need a healthy diet.

【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】

本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第二個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類型和其在原文中出現(xiàn)的位置，接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和他因來(lái)反駁原文。

【本段功能】

本段作為正文第二段，攻擊原文中出現(xiàn)的第二個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——因果類錯(cuò)誤。原文假設(shè)Plainesville的健身俱樂(lè)部會(huì)員數(shù)空前的高意味著存在對(duì)于健康食品和健康相關(guān)產(chǎn)品的潛在需求。然而，原文沒有提供任何證據(jù)支持這一假設(shè)。如果缺少這樣的證據(jù)，事實(shí)同樣可能是Plainesville的居民除了運(yùn)動(dòng)外對(duì)于引領(lǐng)健康的生活方式毫無(wú)興趣?；蛟S是經(jīng)常鍛煉的結(jié)果，Plainesville的居民可能會(huì)相信他們已經(jīng)足夠健康了，不再需要一份健康的飲食。

【第四段】

Let’s examine this assumption a little more in depth.The rate of membership at the local health club is little indication that NW will be “very successful” in Plainesville. It is possible that club members in thePlainesvillearea are nowhere near the anticipated site for the NW store. Perhaps the club’s primary appeal isn’t even health related. Maybe it is a social site attracting members only as a meeting place. Besides, the actual number of members was never mentioned. Even if the club’s members would patronize a NW store, these members might be insufficient in number to ensure a profit for the store.

【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】

本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第三個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類型和其在原文中出現(xiàn)的位置，接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和他因來(lái)反駁原文。

【本段功能】

本段作為正文第三段，攻擊原文中出現(xiàn)的第三個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——因果類錯(cuò)誤。本段對(duì)上面提到的假設(shè)作進(jìn)一步分析，并指出：當(dāng)?shù)亟∩砭銟?lè)部的會(huì)員數(shù)并不能預(yù)示NW將在Plainesville“非常成功”。例如，Plainesville地區(qū)的俱樂(lè)部會(huì)員可能離NW預(yù)期開店的地方很遠(yuǎn)，俱樂(lè)部的主要吸引力可能與健康無(wú)關(guān)，而只是一個(gè)為會(huì)員們提供集會(huì)地點(diǎn)的社交場(chǎng)所。另外，原文中也從未提及俱樂(lè)部會(huì)員的具體數(shù)目。即使俱樂(lè)部的會(huì)員們會(huì)光顧NW的商店，這些會(huì)員們?cè)跀?shù)量上也可能并不足以保證商店盈利。

【第五段】

Now, let’s attend the assumption that a mandatory fitness program inPlainesville’s schools somehow indicates that a franchise would be very successful there. Without a market analysis, we cannot determine the spending power of this demographic, nor can we determine their ability to affect overall household buying habits. Besides, mandatory participation is no indication of genuine interest in health, fitness or related products.

【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】

本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即：概括第四個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類型和其在原文中出現(xiàn)的位置，接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和因來(lái)反駁原文。

【本段功能】

本段作為正文第四段，攻擊原文中出現(xiàn)的第四個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——因果類錯(cuò)誤。原文假設(shè)在Plainesville的學(xué)校中開設(shè)的一個(gè)強(qiáng)制性的健康計(jì)劃將以某種方式預(yù)示著NW的商店將會(huì)非常成功。如果沒有一個(gè)市場(chǎng)分析，我們不能確定該地區(qū)人們的購(gòu)買力，也不能確定他們影響全部住戶購(gòu)買習(xí)慣的能力。另外，強(qiáng)制性的參與也并不能體現(xiàn)出對(duì)于健康或相關(guān)產(chǎn)品的真實(shí)興趣。

【第六段】

In sum, the recommendation of the vice president relies on unproven assumptions, whichrender the argument unconvincing. To bolster argument and validate the recommendation, the vice president must provide clearerconnections between the argument and the assumptions upon which it is based.

【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】

本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument結(jié)尾段結(jié)構(gòu)，即C—S的結(jié)尾結(jié)構(gòu)。段落首先再次重申原文站不住腳的Conclusion，接下來(lái)給出可以增強(qiáng)原文說(shuō)服力的合理的Suggestion，包括原文作者需要進(jìn)一步提供的證據(jù)和信息等。

【本段功能】

本段作為Argument結(jié)尾段，具體功能即為總結(jié)歸納+提出建議。段落首先再次重申強(qiáng)調(diào)Argument作者的論證不合理，接下來(lái)給出合理的建議：副總裁必須對(duì)Argument和其所基于的Assumption之間提供更清晰的關(guān)聯(lián)。

【滿分要素剖析】

【語(yǔ)言表達(dá)】

本文的語(yǔ)言使用規(guī)范、清晰，詞匯也用得準(zhǔn)確地道，并使用多變的句式讓考官讀起來(lái)津津有味，這些都是GRE寫作官方的語(yǔ)言要求。同時(shí)，文章的結(jié)構(gòu)型語(yǔ)言和內(nèi)容型語(yǔ)言相得益彰，結(jié)構(gòu)是骨架，內(nèi)容是血肉，二者完美結(jié)合。

1) In this memo ... recommends ….(標(biāo)志性的Argument開頭段引出原文結(jié)論的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)形式。)To support this recommendation the vice president cites the following facts about …: (1) …; (2) …; and (3) ….(引出原文為支持其結(jié)論所引用的一系列的荒謬論據(jù)。)Close scrutiny illuminates the fact that the assumptions lend little credible support to the recommendation.(標(biāo)志性的指出文章錯(cuò)誤的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)。整體開頭段是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的C—A—F的語(yǔ)言和邏輯模版體系。)

2) Let’s first examine the assumptions that …, or even that …. Consider the possibility that …. Perhaps …. For that matter, perhaps …. In short, without a conclusive market analysis, the vice president fails to provide a link between …. Therefore, a conclusion based on this particular assumption,that …, is entirely undependable.(標(biāo)志性的因果類錯(cuò)誤的語(yǔ)言和邏輯模版體系。)

3) Next, let’s examine the assumption that …. The memo contains no evidence to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is equally possible that …. In fact, perhaps ….(標(biāo)志性的因果類錯(cuò)誤的語(yǔ)言和邏輯模版體系。)

4) In sum, the recommendation of the vice president relies on unproven assumptions, which render the argument unconvincing. To bolster argument and validate the recommendation, the vice president must provide clearer connections between the argument and the assumptions upon which it is based.(標(biāo)志性的Argument結(jié)尾段的Conclusion—Suggestion體系的語(yǔ)言和邏輯模版體系。)

【邏輯結(jié)構(gòu)】

本文的寫作體現(xiàn)出了非常嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)拈_頭段—正文段1、2、3、4—結(jié)尾段的邏輯體系：

(開頭段)In this memo ... recommends ….

(正文段1)Let’s first examine the assumptions that …, or even that ….

(正文段2)Next, let’s examine the assumption that ….

(正文段3)Let’s examine this assumption a little more in depth.

(正文段4)Now, let’s attend the assumption that ….

(結(jié)尾段)In sum, the recommendation of the vice president relies on unproven assumptions, which render the argument unconvincing.

特別值得一提的是本文正文第一段的寫作。該段首先通過(guò)Let’s first examine the assumptions that strong sales of exercise apparel indicated that Plainesville residents would be interested in NW’s products, or even that these residents are interested in exercising.一句說(shuō)明原文中出現(xiàn)的因果類錯(cuò)誤。接下來(lái)，該段使用Consider the possibility that exercise apparel could be in fashion.一句簡(jiǎn)短有力地過(guò)渡，并緊接著通過(guò)Perhaps exercise apparel is inexpensive compared to other types of clothing.和For that matter, perhaps the stronger-than-usual sales are due to increasing sales to tourists.兩句遞進(jìn)地提出兩種其它的可能解釋。最后，該段In short, without a conclusive market analysis, the vice president fails to provide a link between the sales of exercise clothing and the projected sales revenue of a new franchise.Therefore, a conclusion based on this particular assumption, that Plainesville residents would be interested in health food based on the sales of a particular style of clothes, is entirely undependable.兩句對(duì)原文中的錯(cuò)誤作進(jìn)一步深刻的分析，并對(duì)全段討論進(jìn)行總結(jié)，充分展現(xiàn)出了正文段嚴(yán)密的邏輯思路。

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